To all the boys who’ve ever had crush on me
As I get to know that the other person has crush on me, I do two things. Either I start avoiding him or I simply talk to him rudely until he starts avoiding me.
This is what I’ve done to all of them. To all the boys who’ve ever had crush on me! I’m very sorry to all of you! I never intended to hurt you. The moment you had crush on me, trust me you were crushed right then and there. Because I’m not the right girl for you to love.
I’ve always thought, to keep you away from me, there is one solution. To make you hate me! So, I avoid you or become so harsh on you. I just can’t be good or even normal because I’m afraid that my further sweetness may hurt you more by intensifying your feelings. And I’m not strong enough to be called as a reason for your heartbreak. I’ve had enough.
I know you don’t understand, and I don’t even expect you to understand. Believe me, I’m proud of myself for I have the audacity, unlike so many others, to tell you straight about how I feel. It is only after telling, I push back.
However, today I learnt this lesson. If not sweet, then I must not be rude to you. Because you’ve got your self-respect. Whatever the situation be, I never should have humiliated you. And I feel ashamed that I did it just because you got feelings for me.
Time and again people have tried to teach me this lesson. I had never listened. Perhaps, I had different notion back then or I was over-sensitive. From what I’ve seen now, I feel most of us are looking for fun. However, when we get genuinely involved, problems eventuate there. I’ve always been fearful of these problems.
P.S.: I wrote it back in February when I, once again, almost questioned someone’s integrity for hitting on me. Abashed, I had to scribble it anyway.
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